Tuesday, June 27, 2006
Friends
Dear Songjie,
It is almost 4am now as I read your post. I was tired as a duck till I saw your mail which I think deserves much attention. As usual, I hope this reply brings better debate and insight instead of providing a right answer to the solution. I obviously know little in life to give a right answer.
On the question who is a good and who is a bad person, I dont think anyone of us can really judge. As I have said before, a person who is bad to friends may be very good to his parents. As long as he is good to his parents, I believe he at least has a heart. If eventually he resorts to even betraying his closest kins, I think it is hard to justify him having a heart.
Why are you closer to some friends than others? The only thing I can possibly point to is affinty, common shared principles, basic respect and trust. All these gradually built up over time with trust in the person crucial in him ranking either at the top or bottom of the list. As for what Sq has said, sorry to say Sq, I vehemently disagree. I don't think just by asking the question:" How bad or how serious a problem we might face" means we totally disregard the importance of a friend standing by you through periods of doubt and hardship, albeit a minor or even insignificant hardship. Yes, we may face little obstacles in this life (in the eyes of different people) but that should not be justification that going through small obstacles together count for little or nothing. In fact, the commitment to be there and stick together is not something at all easy. (For all those who have tried, they will understand its own difficulty.) If we can't even do the simple things, being there when we need each other at the smallest obstacles, how can we then trust that person to be there at big troughs in life? That commitment and discipline is built up in time, it surely does not come at the snap of the fingers.
Actually Song, to me now things are simple because I know the friends I want to keep and the friends who have proven to me countless time they would be there. I don't see it necessary to complicate matters as to whether the friend I have is good or bad cause life is plainly uncertain. He may change in time (to become a better or worse person), he may not but as long as I put my faith and trust in him, I make the commitment to stay by him. (Of course unless he wants me to leave or does something so drastic the faith and trust is wavered.) No one is perfect but trust and faith in the person is probably the reason why I stick to that person.
Some people meet the best friends they can find but they let them go. Some people never have the chance to meet good friends or friends they have an affinity with, if you want to put it that way. Some people have it all in their hands but they don't know what they want in life and they lose out. All different combinations and we are all capable of falling into each category at some point in time of our lives. Of course if we are taken for granted at some point, we do not necessarily point out immediately that that friend is not deserving cause he did not put in enough effort. if we care or 'love' him enough as a friend, to trust in him enough, we give him chances to prove himself. That trust or blind faith in times of uncertainty is what I think I will hold on to. What about you? I dont think I can go through life distrusting and questioning every kind act my best friends portray towards me. That would be a terrible life to lead I think.
Well I hope if anyone has any things that they are unhappy about please thrash things out unless of course you think your mind is set and are confirmed of your decision. In any case, it is always good to seek a second opinion from a close friend. I have said it many times and I say it again. I am very proud of the friends I have to go through life with and I hope, always hope you guys are with me on this. We can all talk till the cows come home and yet nothing's gonna change unless u decide to put your trust in the person you think deserves it.
Before I left, I said I hope this friendship would be taken to another level. My friendship has definitely blossomed with some and how about yours? How about the level of trust and faith as a group? A penny for your thoughts. I always had faith in all of you and I hope all of you think likewise. In any case, true friends are too rare for us to doubt their very existence.
Best wishes,
Esmond
It is almost 4am now as I read your post. I was tired as a duck till I saw your mail which I think deserves much attention. As usual, I hope this reply brings better debate and insight instead of providing a right answer to the solution. I obviously know little in life to give a right answer.
On the question who is a good and who is a bad person, I dont think anyone of us can really judge. As I have said before, a person who is bad to friends may be very good to his parents. As long as he is good to his parents, I believe he at least has a heart. If eventually he resorts to even betraying his closest kins, I think it is hard to justify him having a heart.
Why are you closer to some friends than others? The only thing I can possibly point to is affinty, common shared principles, basic respect and trust. All these gradually built up over time with trust in the person crucial in him ranking either at the top or bottom of the list. As for what Sq has said, sorry to say Sq, I vehemently disagree. I don't think just by asking the question:" How bad or how serious a problem we might face" means we totally disregard the importance of a friend standing by you through periods of doubt and hardship, albeit a minor or even insignificant hardship. Yes, we may face little obstacles in this life (in the eyes of different people) but that should not be justification that going through small obstacles together count for little or nothing. In fact, the commitment to be there and stick together is not something at all easy. (For all those who have tried, they will understand its own difficulty.) If we can't even do the simple things, being there when we need each other at the smallest obstacles, how can we then trust that person to be there at big troughs in life? That commitment and discipline is built up in time, it surely does not come at the snap of the fingers.
Actually Song, to me now things are simple because I know the friends I want to keep and the friends who have proven to me countless time they would be there. I don't see it necessary to complicate matters as to whether the friend I have is good or bad cause life is plainly uncertain. He may change in time (to become a better or worse person), he may not but as long as I put my faith and trust in him, I make the commitment to stay by him. (Of course unless he wants me to leave or does something so drastic the faith and trust is wavered.) No one is perfect but trust and faith in the person is probably the reason why I stick to that person.
Some people meet the best friends they can find but they let them go. Some people never have the chance to meet good friends or friends they have an affinity with, if you want to put it that way. Some people have it all in their hands but they don't know what they want in life and they lose out. All different combinations and we are all capable of falling into each category at some point in time of our lives. Of course if we are taken for granted at some point, we do not necessarily point out immediately that that friend is not deserving cause he did not put in enough effort. if we care or 'love' him enough as a friend, to trust in him enough, we give him chances to prove himself. That trust or blind faith in times of uncertainty is what I think I will hold on to. What about you? I dont think I can go through life distrusting and questioning every kind act my best friends portray towards me. That would be a terrible life to lead I think.
Well I hope if anyone has any things that they are unhappy about please thrash things out unless of course you think your mind is set and are confirmed of your decision. In any case, it is always good to seek a second opinion from a close friend. I have said it many times and I say it again. I am very proud of the friends I have to go through life with and I hope, always hope you guys are with me on this. We can all talk till the cows come home and yet nothing's gonna change unless u decide to put your trust in the person you think deserves it.
Before I left, I said I hope this friendship would be taken to another level. My friendship has definitely blossomed with some and how about yours? How about the level of trust and faith as a group? A penny for your thoughts. I always had faith in all of you and I hope all of you think likewise. In any case, true friends are too rare for us to doubt their very existence.
Best wishes,
Esmond
# posted by eastsidebackstreet : 3:52 am
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