Thursday, March 02, 2006
Penny for my thoughts
Hi Everyone,
How is everyone? Hope all is good and fine.
A penny for my thoughts. A couple of things happened these few days. Nothing really big but really made me think I have hardly moved on, relationship wise.
Well for those who didnt know what has been going on between me and her, we were kinda trying to work things out but I was never trusting of her anymore, not even close to 50%. It wasn't the same seeing her anymore but to me it was okay. I guess I always believed that love is enough, it always is enough to overcome all obstacles. Maybe for the right person yes, I guess. Why did I hold on these few years I never really know but I know for sure that I was afraid she will disappear from my memory forever. Now it doesn't matter anymore, it will be, definitely.
You know, when people say a person's character never change it is true. It is extremely difficult to change. I thought after all that she has been through she might know or even learn the basics of appreciation. I held on to that hope more than anything else and that was where I faltered again this time.
She told me after 6 months that she doesn't know whether it is the guilt, nolstalgia, memories or whether it is the love anymore. Funnily I think she just wants to set the benchmark of disappointment higher and higher every year. Every thing she says year after year makes me more and more disappointed. So disappointed I don't feel anything after two days (which is good). I always believe love never fails or may be its because my parents love me this much that I believe it is possible to love someone this much. In truth its not, the love your parents can give you trangress any love that u can ever ever ever ever find. Janice and I is surely surely over this time, there's absolutely no turning back and there is definitely no possibility of us ever going anywhere anymore. It's as if this person is erased from my life. Maybe you guys will tell me it's not that bad but in reality it is that bad. I probably won't see her in 5 years or so and really who knows what the situation is then? You never know what life is capable of.
In spite of all these I must say I have given to her all I can, all that I think I can ever find inside me. For this life, this relationship ends. Next life? I don't know. Which leads me to remind all those people who are in a relationship, never ever do disappoint your loved ones cause sometimes the hurt u inflict will never go away. It may scar him/her for life, a trauma u can never set aside until u personally feel it. And nobody deserves to be scarred, not by the person who claims to love you most. Nobody deserves to be hurt deeply by the person who claims to love you most. Disappointment is a big word. If you have a second chance to redeem yourself for disappointing that loved one, grab that second chance with all your might cause u never know when u will lose it.
For all those that are still single, disappointment applies to you too. We owe to our parents first and foremost not to disappoint them. I think this time I really disappointed my parents especially my mom by talking to her again. My mom said:" Your pain is MY pain." I know she meant every single word of it. We too should try our best not to disappoint the friends who love us and care for us most. Friends that are always two steps behind, never take them for granted. Disappointment in all respects to all people who love you, it is just plain selfishness.
I was reminded of Eugenia in all these and I am glad that we are close friends. Well, two different people brings you to different conclusions and different paths. I can say with a certain level of confidence Eugenia will somehow remain in my realm of life but Janice, definitely not, not anymore. And it's weird, isn't it?
I am gonna stop here. Anyway I am really fine everyone, dont worry. You guys should be so sure I cant be anymore disappointed! Haha. My disappointment with her was already a minimum point, she just lowered the benchmark, thats all. Haha. So yea, all of you take care!
Esmond
How is everyone? Hope all is good and fine.
A penny for my thoughts. A couple of things happened these few days. Nothing really big but really made me think I have hardly moved on, relationship wise.
Well for those who didnt know what has been going on between me and her, we were kinda trying to work things out but I was never trusting of her anymore, not even close to 50%. It wasn't the same seeing her anymore but to me it was okay. I guess I always believed that love is enough, it always is enough to overcome all obstacles. Maybe for the right person yes, I guess. Why did I hold on these few years I never really know but I know for sure that I was afraid she will disappear from my memory forever. Now it doesn't matter anymore, it will be, definitely.
You know, when people say a person's character never change it is true. It is extremely difficult to change. I thought after all that she has been through she might know or even learn the basics of appreciation. I held on to that hope more than anything else and that was where I faltered again this time.
She told me after 6 months that she doesn't know whether it is the guilt, nolstalgia, memories or whether it is the love anymore. Funnily I think she just wants to set the benchmark of disappointment higher and higher every year. Every thing she says year after year makes me more and more disappointed. So disappointed I don't feel anything after two days (which is good). I always believe love never fails or may be its because my parents love me this much that I believe it is possible to love someone this much. In truth its not, the love your parents can give you trangress any love that u can ever ever ever ever find. Janice and I is surely surely over this time, there's absolutely no turning back and there is definitely no possibility of us ever going anywhere anymore. It's as if this person is erased from my life. Maybe you guys will tell me it's not that bad but in reality it is that bad. I probably won't see her in 5 years or so and really who knows what the situation is then? You never know what life is capable of.
In spite of all these I must say I have given to her all I can, all that I think I can ever find inside me. For this life, this relationship ends. Next life? I don't know. Which leads me to remind all those people who are in a relationship, never ever do disappoint your loved ones cause sometimes the hurt u inflict will never go away. It may scar him/her for life, a trauma u can never set aside until u personally feel it. And nobody deserves to be scarred, not by the person who claims to love you most. Nobody deserves to be hurt deeply by the person who claims to love you most. Disappointment is a big word. If you have a second chance to redeem yourself for disappointing that loved one, grab that second chance with all your might cause u never know when u will lose it.
For all those that are still single, disappointment applies to you too. We owe to our parents first and foremost not to disappoint them. I think this time I really disappointed my parents especially my mom by talking to her again. My mom said:" Your pain is MY pain." I know she meant every single word of it. We too should try our best not to disappoint the friends who love us and care for us most. Friends that are always two steps behind, never take them for granted. Disappointment in all respects to all people who love you, it is just plain selfishness.
I was reminded of Eugenia in all these and I am glad that we are close friends. Well, two different people brings you to different conclusions and different paths. I can say with a certain level of confidence Eugenia will somehow remain in my realm of life but Janice, definitely not, not anymore. And it's weird, isn't it?
I am gonna stop here. Anyway I am really fine everyone, dont worry. You guys should be so sure I cant be anymore disappointed! Haha. My disappointment with her was already a minimum point, she just lowered the benchmark, thats all. Haha. So yea, all of you take care!
Esmond
# posted by eastsidebackstreet : 6:09 am
Subscribe to Posts [Atom]