Monday, October 15, 2007
Paris 7
Went to walk at Champs Elysees today. Came back, fried some beef patties and potatoes, and now it’s at night and I am on my bed looking into my laptop again. It’s a cooling night, and I feel a little reflective being in these kind of conditions.
This blog is dedicated to my sister, Shuting. Sis, I know you read this blog and this are some of the things I would like to say to you:
I just read your blog and I feel like it is a shame sometimes to know that we have gotten closer only because of your heart condition. Like what Dad said, it is not worth it at all.
I still remember the first time I visited you at the hospital and I saw you lying on the bed with all the tubes in your body. Before I visited you I have already tried to psyche myself up but still when I saw you I could not control my emotions at all. To see a family member in your condition is nothing words can describe at all.
As I am typing this, I feel waves of emotions rushing through my mind. Memories of how we started quarreling with each other, how it began, how it went on, how it reached the point when I told myself the only way to make you change is to give up on you.
How we drifted apart, how little we spoke, and how little we knew about what was going on in each other’s lives. How daddy was angry at you, how I always teamed up with daddy to criticize you but mother will stand by you against us, which I did not understand why.
How I then realized in the later stages that I have not shown you much concern, and that although daddy and I always criticize you which we thought was a good way to make you change, and it was a convenient way as well, we did not realize that a better way was to be more involved in your life and showing you more care and concern, which mother already realized but did not know how to convey to us.
How I begin to understand you better as I talked to you more in the hospital and realized how little I have known you in the past. You were just a simple person who wanted to love and be loved.
Now looking at the whole aftermath I realized how brave you have been to face the period you were at home but suffering from the disease, alone, because daddy and I, in particular, wasn’t there for you. How you couldn’t sleep at night, how you panted, how your leg started to swell and all I thought was that you were lazy and did not want to start work again, which was the result of me not knowing you well enough at all.
Now that you have recovered, and still I do not know how much I mean to you only after reading your blog entries. I begin to realize that things happen for a reason, but I hope that the ways that we learn are not only through really bad things that happen like that. I hope that you will improve as a person too and that only fortunate things will happen to you in the future, and as your blog writes, you will get stronger and stronger.
The reason I am typing here is to let everyone know that you mean a lot to me too. The whole family.
And friends reading this blog, please treasure your family members well, for I am a good friend of yours and also a good example of someone who did not and my sister paid the price for my mistake. Also, I hope that you all will remind me, and I will remind you all too, if anyone of us made the same mistake again.
And in a less serious mood and a fortunate turn of events, things did not turn out as bad as they could be, and I can only be grateful and thankful for that.
Songjie
This blog is dedicated to my sister, Shuting. Sis, I know you read this blog and this are some of the things I would like to say to you:
I just read your blog and I feel like it is a shame sometimes to know that we have gotten closer only because of your heart condition. Like what Dad said, it is not worth it at all.
I still remember the first time I visited you at the hospital and I saw you lying on the bed with all the tubes in your body. Before I visited you I have already tried to psyche myself up but still when I saw you I could not control my emotions at all. To see a family member in your condition is nothing words can describe at all.
As I am typing this, I feel waves of emotions rushing through my mind. Memories of how we started quarreling with each other, how it began, how it went on, how it reached the point when I told myself the only way to make you change is to give up on you.
How we drifted apart, how little we spoke, and how little we knew about what was going on in each other’s lives. How daddy was angry at you, how I always teamed up with daddy to criticize you but mother will stand by you against us, which I did not understand why.
How I then realized in the later stages that I have not shown you much concern, and that although daddy and I always criticize you which we thought was a good way to make you change, and it was a convenient way as well, we did not realize that a better way was to be more involved in your life and showing you more care and concern, which mother already realized but did not know how to convey to us.
How I begin to understand you better as I talked to you more in the hospital and realized how little I have known you in the past. You were just a simple person who wanted to love and be loved.
Now looking at the whole aftermath I realized how brave you have been to face the period you were at home but suffering from the disease, alone, because daddy and I, in particular, wasn’t there for you. How you couldn’t sleep at night, how you panted, how your leg started to swell and all I thought was that you were lazy and did not want to start work again, which was the result of me not knowing you well enough at all.
Now that you have recovered, and still I do not know how much I mean to you only after reading your blog entries. I begin to realize that things happen for a reason, but I hope that the ways that we learn are not only through really bad things that happen like that. I hope that you will improve as a person too and that only fortunate things will happen to you in the future, and as your blog writes, you will get stronger and stronger.
The reason I am typing here is to let everyone know that you mean a lot to me too. The whole family.
And friends reading this blog, please treasure your family members well, for I am a good friend of yours and also a good example of someone who did not and my sister paid the price for my mistake. Also, I hope that you all will remind me, and I will remind you all too, if anyone of us made the same mistake again.
And in a less serious mood and a fortunate turn of events, things did not turn out as bad as they could be, and I can only be grateful and thankful for that.
Songjie
# posted by eastsidebackstreet : 3:51 am
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