Friday, December 01, 2006
over!
Hi guys,
I can still remember 15 wks ago when Laura told me that she did not want school to start. Now everything has past, and here I am blogging about the end of term again. Mind you this is going to be quite long.
I was having a lot to say a few days ago but my mood is sort of affected by the show I watched with Lam and SQ. “Free Will”. Very disturbing, but thought provoking. I think I’m going to lose my appetite for the next few days. By anyway the bottom line is, I think all girls should get a pepper spray or a portable alarm. It’s really better to be kiasu-safe than very sorry.
Back to the main topic. A few nights ago while I was studying company law, I told my mum casually that I’m getting stupid. My mum said,” You are stupid what. Since when were you ever smart?” Haha. WTH. But probably she meant it with the best of intentions and this brings me to the point of my blogging.
This term is a great test of my self belief. First up was my termination of the BGS TAship. That was a Muhammad Ali straight jab in my face. Reasons? I dunno. Maybe incapability, maybe over commitment for IMF. But I was just a TA for 2 weeks. I din even get a chance to prove myself, or whether I could or not. Somehow Caroline Yeoh reminds me of Jose Mourinho. Ruthless, but efficient. If Mourinho is going to kick Shevy or SWP out soon I’ll despise him soon too. But whatever it is, the termination of the TAship was a big blow to me. It made me doubt myself, and proved the fact that I was so dispensable. The feeling of being readily dispensable sucks. You can be replaced anytime. How's that?
Next up was the Mike Tyson left hook, right punch and uppercut of my mid term grades. QM was ok, but it followed with my finance, income tax and company law. Not only were the results shit, they were the bottom 10% kind of shit grades. I studied harder for them, but the results and efforts were negatively correlated. I was feeling rock bottom at those points in time. And then there was a self expectancy to fulfill and pressure to perform. All these finally accumulated and rose to a crescendo that I was finally knocked out. (wa my England not bad ah)
But I’m glad I did not give up. Support came from many places, and in different forms. I’m not sure if I’ve done well in my end of year exams, but the “exam-after-feeling” definitely beats my mid term ones. Thank you all for your encouragement in one way or another, which eased my way back to studying. I would have found it much harder without you people around me, really.
I want to blog about the clique too. Everyone is growing up. Everyone is setting their own priorities. Everyone is having their little conflicts. Everyone is changing. But generally I’m disappointed with the way things are sometimes. Lam too. I dunno how come things can turn out to be the way they are, but I guess some things are inevitable. I always think that if you dun have friends, you are nothing. But different people have their own priorities in life, and how much they want to put in to make that priority work. Sigh. I’m feeling down. But I’ll get over it. Life is too short for unhappy things.
I had quite a lot to say, but my downturn in mood and after movie effect have put a block to my thoughts. This is an unhappy post. Haha. Please filter out the happy portions if it’ll be better.
Songjie
I can still remember 15 wks ago when Laura told me that she did not want school to start. Now everything has past, and here I am blogging about the end of term again. Mind you this is going to be quite long.
I was having a lot to say a few days ago but my mood is sort of affected by the show I watched with Lam and SQ. “Free Will”. Very disturbing, but thought provoking. I think I’m going to lose my appetite for the next few days. By anyway the bottom line is, I think all girls should get a pepper spray or a portable alarm. It’s really better to be kiasu-safe than very sorry.
Back to the main topic. A few nights ago while I was studying company law, I told my mum casually that I’m getting stupid. My mum said,” You are stupid what. Since when were you ever smart?” Haha. WTH. But probably she meant it with the best of intentions and this brings me to the point of my blogging.
This term is a great test of my self belief. First up was my termination of the BGS TAship. That was a Muhammad Ali straight jab in my face. Reasons? I dunno. Maybe incapability, maybe over commitment for IMF. But I was just a TA for 2 weeks. I din even get a chance to prove myself, or whether I could or not. Somehow Caroline Yeoh reminds me of Jose Mourinho. Ruthless, but efficient. If Mourinho is going to kick Shevy or SWP out soon I’ll despise him soon too. But whatever it is, the termination of the TAship was a big blow to me. It made me doubt myself, and proved the fact that I was so dispensable. The feeling of being readily dispensable sucks. You can be replaced anytime. How's that?
Next up was the Mike Tyson left hook, right punch and uppercut of my mid term grades. QM was ok, but it followed with my finance, income tax and company law. Not only were the results shit, they were the bottom 10% kind of shit grades. I studied harder for them, but the results and efforts were negatively correlated. I was feeling rock bottom at those points in time. And then there was a self expectancy to fulfill and pressure to perform. All these finally accumulated and rose to a crescendo that I was finally knocked out. (wa my England not bad ah)
But I’m glad I did not give up. Support came from many places, and in different forms. I’m not sure if I’ve done well in my end of year exams, but the “exam-after-feeling” definitely beats my mid term ones. Thank you all for your encouragement in one way or another, which eased my way back to studying. I would have found it much harder without you people around me, really.
I want to blog about the clique too. Everyone is growing up. Everyone is setting their own priorities. Everyone is having their little conflicts. Everyone is changing. But generally I’m disappointed with the way things are sometimes. Lam too. I dunno how come things can turn out to be the way they are, but I guess some things are inevitable. I always think that if you dun have friends, you are nothing. But different people have their own priorities in life, and how much they want to put in to make that priority work. Sigh. I’m feeling down. But I’ll get over it. Life is too short for unhappy things.
I had quite a lot to say, but my downturn in mood and after movie effect have put a block to my thoughts. This is an unhappy post. Haha. Please filter out the happy portions if it’ll be better.
Songjie
# posted by eastsidebackstreet : 2:37 am
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