Thursday, July 20, 2006
Life theory??
House moving day and plenty of theories fill my hollow mind. Again, life mesmerize me and yet again I am left with no absolute conclusion.
On My Gong Gong
I always had a special affinity with my grandpa. I never knew nor understood why so. Since I was little, I vaguely remember that I stopped crying only when Gong Gong held me in his arms. Though I was very young then and most people probably can’t remember of events thus far back, I do.
Although never a towering figure, he is always strong in spirit and heart. Time and tide waits for no man. Slightly limping as he takes each step, shoulders slightly slouched to the right and his wet eyes that look drained of energy, is the demeanour of my dear Grandpa that I have uncomfortably gotten used to over the recent years. As I see gong gong age year after year, I see him slipping further and further away from the man I used to know. A silent man on many matters but when he speaks, he speaks with vigour and intense emotions. Greatest of his worries and disappointment is a son who at age 50 still depends on him for his very lifelihood. God did not promise us a life devoid of regrets and sorrow.
Would gong gong be happier if his children had not disappointed him in many ways? Yes he may be happier but he still may be discontented in other areas; simply because life is not perfect and was never meant to be. Though I feel much for him that his children had not met up to his simple expectations, I must submit to fate and life and agree that maybe in this life, he was meant to live with this.
What I fear most is him slipping away from my life. I want to spend many more years with him, knowing him, building a closer relationship. I know he will go someday but I hope that day does not come anytime soon.
I got into heated debates with a few close people over the past couple of weeks. The most recent was mom. It pains when people you care about misunderstands your intentions and you get into heated arguments over trivial matters that is simply not worthy of mention, in many ways. Life is tough yet beautiful, but much depends on where we direct our focus. We can dwell on a person’s flaws and condemn him for that but by taking a step behind, we see the wonderful way life works in us; the very rawness of life, of being human, of being torn between choosing good(hard) and evil(easy), of giving in to temptations, of accepting a loved one as he is.
I think (though I am not utterly convinced) I have mellowed. I do not seem as insistent on my point of view. Many things had happened over the recent years that made me feel powerless and that there is only this much I can do. I buy the saying now: “ Men cannot change men.” I am not sure though that this is the best way to live life but I guess I am a bit tired of arguing over trivial matters that sap our energies. Such energy could be better spent loving someone, understanding someone and building closer ties. At least that is what I think now. People change and for all I know, I may revert back to an insistent dick in time?
Gong Gong left me with two chinese proverbs that might strike a cord with your hearts. Well, it did with mine.
“人生苦短 ” He told me that life is short and that I must make use of it as best I can.
“ 少年不努力，老大图伤悲” This, he said with reference to his son. Reminding me that I must work hard in this life.
May all my loved friends and family be blessed with happiness and a kind heart always.
Best wishes,
Esmond
* P.S: Thanks very much to Sq, Weixin, Jacq and Yuyee for helping me out the past few days. Really, how could I have managed without all your sincere help. THANK YOU!
On My Gong Gong
I always had a special affinity with my grandpa. I never knew nor understood why so. Since I was little, I vaguely remember that I stopped crying only when Gong Gong held me in his arms. Though I was very young then and most people probably can’t remember of events thus far back, I do.
Although never a towering figure, he is always strong in spirit and heart. Time and tide waits for no man. Slightly limping as he takes each step, shoulders slightly slouched to the right and his wet eyes that look drained of energy, is the demeanour of my dear Grandpa that I have uncomfortably gotten used to over the recent years. As I see gong gong age year after year, I see him slipping further and further away from the man I used to know. A silent man on many matters but when he speaks, he speaks with vigour and intense emotions. Greatest of his worries and disappointment is a son who at age 50 still depends on him for his very lifelihood. God did not promise us a life devoid of regrets and sorrow.
Would gong gong be happier if his children had not disappointed him in many ways? Yes he may be happier but he still may be discontented in other areas; simply because life is not perfect and was never meant to be. Though I feel much for him that his children had not met up to his simple expectations, I must submit to fate and life and agree that maybe in this life, he was meant to live with this.
What I fear most is him slipping away from my life. I want to spend many more years with him, knowing him, building a closer relationship. I know he will go someday but I hope that day does not come anytime soon.
I got into heated debates with a few close people over the past couple of weeks. The most recent was mom. It pains when people you care about misunderstands your intentions and you get into heated arguments over trivial matters that is simply not worthy of mention, in many ways. Life is tough yet beautiful, but much depends on where we direct our focus. We can dwell on a person’s flaws and condemn him for that but by taking a step behind, we see the wonderful way life works in us; the very rawness of life, of being human, of being torn between choosing good(hard) and evil(easy), of giving in to temptations, of accepting a loved one as he is.
I think (though I am not utterly convinced) I have mellowed. I do not seem as insistent on my point of view. Many things had happened over the recent years that made me feel powerless and that there is only this much I can do. I buy the saying now: “ Men cannot change men.” I am not sure though that this is the best way to live life but I guess I am a bit tired of arguing over trivial matters that sap our energies. Such energy could be better spent loving someone, understanding someone and building closer ties. At least that is what I think now. People change and for all I know, I may revert back to an insistent dick in time?
Gong Gong left me with two chinese proverbs that might strike a cord with your hearts. Well, it did with mine.
“人生苦短 ” He told me that life is short and that I must make use of it as best I can.
“ 少年不努力，老大图伤悲” This, he said with reference to his son. Reminding me that I must work hard in this life.
May all my loved friends and family be blessed with happiness and a kind heart always.
Best wishes,
Esmond
* P.S: Thanks very much to Sq, Weixin, Jacq and Yuyee for helping me out the past few days. Really, how could I have managed without all your sincere help. THANK YOU!
# posted by eastsidebackstreet : 1:45 am
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