Thursday, December 29, 2005
After reading Esmond's post, I can't help but think about the point of my existence, the point of being and my place in the world. This isn't a melancholic post. After a certain stage in life beauty comes in the smallest of forms. Time never sympathises with the self-pitious, and should best be squandered on more meaningful pursuits. And now time is best spent in a moment of gratitude for the people that matter and made a difference to my life.
Everyone knows me as a slacker, a fun-seeking spoilt brat who can't hold his own in all aspects; be it finance, trustworthiness, stability or responsibility. I can tell that no one takes me seriously, and I understand because my behaviour since forever has proved and cemented this notion. I also understand that to be able to tolerate such a personality would take tremendous patience and generousity, and that alone makes me eternally gratituous, although it would be nothing if I were able to express my feelings in words. To that, thank you.
There are many things I wish to undo in retrospect, but doing so would change my history; one I would desperately struggle to hold on to should it be wrested away from me, because I found a group of people that I can rightfully call friends, the very best that everything else pales in measure. Each of us lead separate lives, with separate goals and ideals: some lofty, some flighty, some pragmatic, some simple - but all worthy in their own right.
We are like the creepers on a big oak, each growing towards a position of warmth and sunshine that he is most comfortably suited, yet inexorable intertwined to form a formidable chain that weaves us together like hem and string; a safety net to keep us from falling when we do or support when circumstances are beyond one's individual strength. If not, I would have failed myself long ago, stray from the path that I ought to have walked, one of righteousness, morality and ethics. I am not saying I have fulfilled them, but you guys made me conscientiously aware of my shortcomings so that change could ensue. To that, thank you.
I do not know where I would stand in your hearts ten years from now. I may be forgotten, displaced, detested. If I were given the luxury of a wish I wish that the great oak would never be felled. We all need money, security, stability and sense of worth and pride. I have many selfish needs, I do not deny that. But still if I had a wish that wish would be for time to standstill just for us, a ephemeral bubble where our bonds don't fade or taint with age. I treat the friendship with most casualness, because I do not see myself anywhere else ten years from now, many years beyond even. Some might not agree to or believe me, but I remain indignant. To that, thank you.
I don't wish for change. Not for myself, not for people that I love. Because people around me are perfect in all their imperfections, and I am accepted by the people I love. But change is inevitable, a complex little beast that can morph from the nuanced to the torrential. Since changeless is impossible, I hope the only change I go through is for the better. To be a stronger and dependable person, one who genuinely cares and sees through his heart, less selfish and more giving, and be morally stalwart. I probably have achieved none or little of these, still I have to say the clique has brought me up in ways I didn't believe existed. To that, thank you.
Songjie: Continue to be the person that you are - sincere, generous and trustworthy, a person that I would bet my life on in my darkest hour and I would have lived life just hearing your lame jokes at my deathbed. Love you to bits!
Esmond: You bring faith and strength to the clique, and your words are cutting and insightful, a no-holds barred connection that have touched the deepest part of my heart and soul, something that I could never do the same for you for being the bum that I am. I hope one day you can trust me with yourself as much as I trust you with me.
Yuyee: Your kindness, generousity and innate happy-go-lucky attitude is a gift to all of us, and no outing is complete without your darndest comments to liven the mood. You live for the day, so I hope every day would be the perfect day for you. I just hope I can be as dear to you are you are to me.
Lam: A pillar of support that would rather suffer than see the clique crumble. I respect you, your honesty and commitment, and I cannot tell you how much I appreciate what you have sacrificed in order to keep everything in place. Just for that I will always be striving to achieve your expectations you have for us as a clique.
Weiqin: I didn't connect and communicate as much as I should, but throughout the years I have always believed that you would be there for a friend in need no matter the distance and time, even though you might be late(hahaha). Sometimes you bother yourself too much with trivial insensitivities that would keep you from seeing the whole picture. Continue to push onwards and you will achieve what you deserve. Don't ever lose faith.
Weixin: You and your dang mood swings are nothing but little flaws that speckle the beautiful person I see inside. Beneath that aloofness is someone who is very delicate and sensitive to others and their needs. You lack the confidence to pursue what you rightfully deserve, and the frustration sometimes explodes in inexplicable ways. Don't hate yourself, because deep down I think we are very alike in many ways, although you are of stronger character and faith. Thank you for being there for me even in the most subtle circumstances.
Blackie: A person that I feel is totally transparent to me, someone whom I can understand perfectly well what he is thinking without having to say a word. I respect and admire your ability to live simply and doing what is right with absolute dedication. Your devotion and honesty made you a wonderful friend, a filial child and a loving companion. Your encouragement always pushes me a little higher. Thank you for being you.
Ivy: A beautiful girl who cares alot about me, and just for that alone, thank you. Class would never be the same if I never knew you, and although I still owe you a letter, I believe you already know what my reply would be. I'm glad you have found an other half in the form of Victor, both of you deserve each other and you are definitely in the best of hands. As with you, I like all things material but I have come to realise that what really matters are people, integrity and morality, and at the end of the day it's the people that love you who will be there for you and not a truckload of cash, beautiful clothes and leather handbags. I say this only because I genuinely care for you. Love ya!
Ah kow: You are loud-mouthed, crude, insensitive, irritating and damn cocky, but you are also generous, giving, easy-going, honest and genuine. Although we may not be your best of friends, I hope you know that we would be there should you ever be in need. Thanks for always making the effort to attend clique activities because that by itself is already quite a challenge to most of us. Don't always think that we treat you as 2nd-class citizen, we just like to scold you in the name of good humour. :)
You people are enough reason for living, and my being is to experience the miraculous beauty of friendships that I had been so blessed to partake in, and I hope my place in this world is with us.
-sq
Everyone knows me as a slacker, a fun-seeking spoilt brat who can't hold his own in all aspects; be it finance, trustworthiness, stability or responsibility. I can tell that no one takes me seriously, and I understand because my behaviour since forever has proved and cemented this notion. I also understand that to be able to tolerate such a personality would take tremendous patience and generousity, and that alone makes me eternally gratituous, although it would be nothing if I were able to express my feelings in words. To that, thank you.
There are many things I wish to undo in retrospect, but doing so would change my history; one I would desperately struggle to hold on to should it be wrested away from me, because I found a group of people that I can rightfully call friends, the very best that everything else pales in measure. Each of us lead separate lives, with separate goals and ideals: some lofty, some flighty, some pragmatic, some simple - but all worthy in their own right.
We are like the creepers on a big oak, each growing towards a position of warmth and sunshine that he is most comfortably suited, yet inexorable intertwined to form a formidable chain that weaves us together like hem and string; a safety net to keep us from falling when we do or support when circumstances are beyond one's individual strength. If not, I would have failed myself long ago, stray from the path that I ought to have walked, one of righteousness, morality and ethics. I am not saying I have fulfilled them, but you guys made me conscientiously aware of my shortcomings so that change could ensue. To that, thank you.
I do not know where I would stand in your hearts ten years from now. I may be forgotten, displaced, detested. If I were given the luxury of a wish I wish that the great oak would never be felled. We all need money, security, stability and sense of worth and pride. I have many selfish needs, I do not deny that. But still if I had a wish that wish would be for time to standstill just for us, a ephemeral bubble where our bonds don't fade or taint with age. I treat the friendship with most casualness, because I do not see myself anywhere else ten years from now, many years beyond even. Some might not agree to or believe me, but I remain indignant. To that, thank you.
I don't wish for change. Not for myself, not for people that I love. Because people around me are perfect in all their imperfections, and I am accepted by the people I love. But change is inevitable, a complex little beast that can morph from the nuanced to the torrential. Since changeless is impossible, I hope the only change I go through is for the better. To be a stronger and dependable person, one who genuinely cares and sees through his heart, less selfish and more giving, and be morally stalwart. I probably have achieved none or little of these, still I have to say the clique has brought me up in ways I didn't believe existed. To that, thank you.
Songjie: Continue to be the person that you are - sincere, generous and trustworthy, a person that I would bet my life on in my darkest hour and I would have lived life just hearing your lame jokes at my deathbed. Love you to bits!
Esmond: You bring faith and strength to the clique, and your words are cutting and insightful, a no-holds barred connection that have touched the deepest part of my heart and soul, something that I could never do the same for you for being the bum that I am. I hope one day you can trust me with yourself as much as I trust you with me.
Yuyee: Your kindness, generousity and innate happy-go-lucky attitude is a gift to all of us, and no outing is complete without your darndest comments to liven the mood. You live for the day, so I hope every day would be the perfect day for you. I just hope I can be as dear to you are you are to me.
Lam: A pillar of support that would rather suffer than see the clique crumble. I respect you, your honesty and commitment, and I cannot tell you how much I appreciate what you have sacrificed in order to keep everything in place. Just for that I will always be striving to achieve your expectations you have for us as a clique.
Weiqin: I didn't connect and communicate as much as I should, but throughout the years I have always believed that you would be there for a friend in need no matter the distance and time, even though you might be late(hahaha). Sometimes you bother yourself too much with trivial insensitivities that would keep you from seeing the whole picture. Continue to push onwards and you will achieve what you deserve. Don't ever lose faith.
Weixin: You and your dang mood swings are nothing but little flaws that speckle the beautiful person I see inside. Beneath that aloofness is someone who is very delicate and sensitive to others and their needs. You lack the confidence to pursue what you rightfully deserve, and the frustration sometimes explodes in inexplicable ways. Don't hate yourself, because deep down I think we are very alike in many ways, although you are of stronger character and faith. Thank you for being there for me even in the most subtle circumstances.
Blackie: A person that I feel is totally transparent to me, someone whom I can understand perfectly well what he is thinking without having to say a word. I respect and admire your ability to live simply and doing what is right with absolute dedication. Your devotion and honesty made you a wonderful friend, a filial child and a loving companion. Your encouragement always pushes me a little higher. Thank you for being you.
Ivy: A beautiful girl who cares alot about me, and just for that alone, thank you. Class would never be the same if I never knew you, and although I still owe you a letter, I believe you already know what my reply would be. I'm glad you have found an other half in the form of Victor, both of you deserve each other and you are definitely in the best of hands. As with you, I like all things material but I have come to realise that what really matters are people, integrity and morality, and at the end of the day it's the people that love you who will be there for you and not a truckload of cash, beautiful clothes and leather handbags. I say this only because I genuinely care for you. Love ya!
Ah kow: You are loud-mouthed, crude, insensitive, irritating and damn cocky, but you are also generous, giving, easy-going, honest and genuine. Although we may not be your best of friends, I hope you know that we would be there should you ever be in need. Thanks for always making the effort to attend clique activities because that by itself is already quite a challenge to most of us. Don't always think that we treat you as 2nd-class citizen, we just like to scold you in the name of good humour. :)
You people are enough reason for living, and my being is to experience the miraculous beauty of friendships that I had been so blessed to partake in, and I hope my place in this world is with us.
-sq
# posted by eastsidebackstreet : 1:02 am
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