East.Side.Back.Street

27/07/09 was the day I stepped into my worklife. The anxiety and hype then remains fresh in my memories. My first year of work has had its fair share of ups and downs, of which made me realize the importance of maintaining a professional view on matters at work. It has also been an humbling experience to know that there is so much to learn, especially on working with people. There are several life-changing stages in life and work is one of them, which has changed quite a lot of my perspectives. Still, I embrace this phase of my life that has made me grown, and I pray that with hard work, the 2nd year will be better.

Recently, my brother just came back from his work and travel programme in New Zealand. From the experiences he shared, coupled with the recent thoughts I have gathered, made me realise the importance of youth. Really, we only live once (treasure every moment), and we only die once (be bold).

Through Lola, I also realized the importance of not regretting. If there is something that is worth achieving, we should go for it. And if we do not get something in the end, there is really not much point in regretting.

Cheers, to a better year ahead.

Songjie

Several things have crossed my mind lately:

1. Relationships: Some are better left unfixed, because it just leads to unhappiness. I hope I am wrong about this.

2. Information overload: I recently find myself glossing through articles, and not knowing what the whole article is about at the end of it.

3. Work: I enjoy work, and at the same time, realise that it is far from a bed of roses. How much is your ego worth?

Songjie

It’s funny how I used to think that I knew most of the things going on around me, but really the complexities of dealing with people is much harder than I imagined.

I live by a rule – do not do unto others what you don’t want others to do unto you. And ‘logically’, do unto others what you want others to do unto you. While the former is quite true, the latter is not, and I took a while to realize that.

This is because while people generally concur on the way they do not want to be treated, how they WANT to be treated differ greatly. So when it comes to how people WANT to be treated, they do not give 2 hoots about how you want to be treated (and hence treating them the same way) – people want to be treated the way THEY want to be treated, and it takes a lot of time and effort to understand how.

So I guess my rule has to be tweaked – do not do unto others what you don’t want others to do unto you AND treat others the way THEY want to be treated (not how you would like to be treated)

On a side note, I have managed to booked a chalet at Coasta Sands Sentosa from 20th Dec (Sunday) to 22nd Dec (Tuesday). Would like to invite all of you for a BBQ on 20th Dec.

Songjie

Songjie

Hello!

I have wanted to write about Laura’s grandmother for some time. Laura has a grandmother whom she calls ‘Ah Neh’. Ah Neh is around 96 years old this year, and Laura’s mother, Veronica, has many names for her, such as ‘my baby’, or more recently, ‘xian1 ma1’ (fairy godmother).

My first impression of Ah Neh is that she is a kind lady. Every time when I visit Laura at her house, Ah Neh will ask me to eat (I love this becos there is always a lot of delicious food at Laura’s place), and ask Laura to pour me water or tea. She knows me as Laura’s ‘Peng Ju’ (friend in Hainanese), and she remembers that I stay in Hougang.

Ah Neh’s memory is unstable. Sometimes she drifts back to the past, such as asking Laura and her mother to go to the fields and fetch the cows home (she thinks that Laura’s whole family is working at the farm now). She will ask Laura for a hat so that she can plough the fields with them. But when Laura bluffed her last night that the cows are sleeping, she challenged Laura,” I thought you told me last week that you sold all the cows already?” Laura says she doesn’t know when to tell Ah Neh the truth or lie.

Last night at Laura’s place, I sat beside Ah Neh and she started talking a lot to me, in Hainanese. In Laura’s father’s words, it was a hen and a duck communicating, as he was observing us and that we could not understand each other at all. I only went ‘Urm, ya, Urm’ throughout the whole conversation. I was hoping that her father would come to my rescue, but he just sat there and watched TV (probably enjoying my discomfort as well).

I remembered when I started dating Laura, sometimes she was late and she said that Ah Neh does not let her out of the house. Ah Neh, was in a way, a figure at home. She will question people where they are going, and on occasions when people buy things back to the house that she doesn’t like, she will throw them away without telling them. The thing is that her family complains, but gives in to her nonetheless.

I still remember Laura’s Cousin, Joan, coming back to visit Ah Neh at Laura’s place. When Joan left the house on her way back to the States, I saw Ah Neh walking very fast to the door with her walking support, and waved and said ‘byebye’ until Joan was nowhere in sight. Another incident was when Laura’s parents went with her to Barcelona for her study exchange trip, and Ah Neh, knowing that she will not see Veronica for the next 3 weeks, came up to her and buttoned her shirt nicely for her. Both of them were tearing.

I really like Veronica’s attitude for her mother. Everytime she talks about her mother, adjectives such as ‘cute’, ‘smart’ and ‘understanding’ spring up, while she sticks her thumbs up and tells us about the little everyday funny stories about Ah Neh. I have seen so many incidents where people talk about the troubles that their aged parents bring, which I am sure Ah Neh brings to her family too, but from Veronica’s words, I have never felt that Ah Neh was a burden to the family. The genuine smile on her face when she talks about Ah Neh says it all.

Definitely, caregiver ‘s stress exist. Sometimes, Laura would complain to me about her grandmother. I used to be angry when she was impatient with her Ah Neh, or when she talks back to her loudly. This was until a talk which I had with a veteran volunteer, Henry, at one of the ‘Meet the People’ sessions. We had a resident who visited us and complained to us about her mother who was wheel-chair bound and grumpy and giving her problems and inconveniences. I was asking Henry why do people get impatient with their aged parents when they should take care of them. He said caregiver’s stress exists and he told me about his mother. The everyday interactions and problems faced are things that an outsider cannot understand unless they swapped positions. I understood what he was saying, as I have not lived with an aged person in my whole life.

Currently, Laura is living in a 4-room flat with 7 people in it. Her 2 grandmothers, parents, brother and maid. Often, her cousins from China would come in to stay with them too, and I can understand the lack of space and privacy Laura does not enjoy, something which I value a lot. The thing is that both Laura and her father would sleep on the floor (in the living room) and make adjustments for the elderly at home. For example, when Laura was studying at home for her exams, and when the weather was warm or when there were weddings/funerals going on in the void deck, she gives up her room with air con when her grandmother, who is afraid of cold, wants to take an afternoon nap. Laura’s father is also a man of few words. But from his actions, I understand that it does not matter what you say, it is what you do. The little sacrifices you make everyday says it all and people can tell.

I also realize that to take care of someone, you must have at least 3 qualities: the ability (e.g. money to buy groceries and employ maid), the heart (e.g. filial piety) and the magnanimity (e.g. little daily sacrifices and sometimes, criticisms or interactions from people, outside the circle) to do it. The lack of any one of these makes things much harder. Also, from Laura’ mother, I realize that people can always choose to take a view on the life process they have to go through, regardless of whether they are enjoying or not. The choice makes a hell lot of difference. And when people only focus on the problem, instead of the solution, they are not likely to be happy for a long while.

Songjie